cleaning out boxes

I had my heart set on cleaning out the spare bedroom tonight -- going through boxes where I've stored old receipts, old household appliance and electronics manuals, random papers and ex-lovers.  I wanted to cleanse myself of some past lives and create space.  Not space that I can fill up again.  I just wanted to create space.  I've never been a sentimental person and its not difficult for me to throw away letters, photos, mementos.  However, my unsentimentallity combined with my bad memory means that without the mementos, I  may forget things forever.  I'm okay with that, though. 

But there was one thing that I could not throw out. Amongst the photos, notes, a manual from my first cell phone, critical life insurance policies and the like, there was a letter.  From about seven lovers ago.  He had written it to me years after we had broken up.  He loved me fiercely.  The sorrow and reget in that letter --  his words -- still break my heart.  I want to keep that heartbreak.  Even if its only his and not mine.  Its the saddness that I want to keep.  Hurt and saddness are things that are often pushed out too quickly and rushed to be forgotten. 

Maybe I just want to remember that I was once loved so much. 

Comments

[conversemomma]

I wonder why we don't let saddness linger. It can teach us so much.

I love the last line, and can not help but want to say, have you been loved like since, you will be. Again!

[krista]

Call Me. Call me. call me.

[maggie, dammit]

I'm all about decluttering and the energy of space, but not everything needs to be purged. Who wants a sort of fake scrapbook of only the happy moments? All moments have value, particularly the most painful ones.

[camerashymomma]

this is so true: "Hurt and saddness are things that are often pushed out too quickly and rushed to be forgotten. "

i hold onto these emotions too, they are what help me remember that i am human. feeling like a real human is good.

[deezee]

"Maybe I just want to remember that I was once loved so much. "

I cannot express how much I understand this...

[crazymumma]

To be loved so fiercely. One should always have one of those to remember.

I wonder though, did you write back?

[Rjtrue]

Oh ... I like this one. There's just something about cleaning out a space. Every time I forget how many memories will come flooding back yet I'll find myself in the middle of the floor with pieces of my past scattered all around.

I'd hang onto the letter, too. At least until the next one that will soon find its way ...

[sweetsalty kate]

I'd want to remember that, too.