This week in my Life Coaching session I had an "Aha!" moment. You know...when a connection is made in your mind and you realize why you do the things that you do and your life suddenly makes a little more sense, but it FREAKS you out that you went about living your whole adult life not knowing.
My "Aha!" moment was slow to register. I had it in my session on Friday, and I started freaking out about it the following Tuesday.
Here's a brief, itemized synopsis of what brought me to this pivotal point:
1. I started Life Coaching to work on the following things: communication, transparency and career advancement within my company.
2. Life Coaching took a drastic turn after the topic of my love of creating art kept coming up. The focus continued to be on communication and transparency, but the career development part turned into a two-year plan to get me out of the corporate office world and into one where I'm living a life where I'm doing what makes me happy and harnessing the confidence to believe I can sustain myself doing it. And then actually living it.
3. I posted a while ago about how I was raised to believe that expressing emotion was highly undesirable, which was a post that spawned from one of my Life Coaching sessions.
4. In my most recent Life Coaching session I realized that I express my emotions through my art, but I keep my art small, generally hidden, and I don't take care of it after it is finished.
5. The actual "Aha!" is this: I do the same thing with my art that I've been taught to do with my emotions...keep them hidden, highly private and undervalued. Of course I've always done that! My art is an expression of feeling and feelings are NOT to be expressed (or so I've believed all these years).
No wonder its such an embarrassment to me to talk about my art, display it, or accept any sort of compliment about it. And what if someone CRTICIZED my art? Would that be a direct attack on my emotions? I probably would have thought so before last Friday.
It sure can be hard to let go of what we learn as a child. :)
I like what you've done here. Especially that her hands are heart shaped.
Posted by: Deb G | October 11, 2008 at 08:31 AM
I appreciate that you are willing to share yourself with honesty here. Thank you.
Posted by: christina | October 12, 2008 at 10:27 AM
Oh, and your art is beautiful as I am sure you are.
Posted by: christina | October 12, 2008 at 10:28 AM
I've bookmarked your blog and follow it via Google Reader. I think your art is wonderful! There is something so real and genuine about it. I know what you mean about not sharing it...I do the same thing. I swap my art with strangers rather than give it to/send it to family and friends.
Posted by: Susan | October 12, 2008 at 12:13 PM
i' so glad i found you, this is a very though provoking post and the art is fabulous....i will be back.
Posted by: soulbrush | October 13, 2008 at 09:31 AM
luv the art, keep on pushing thru, i can relate to many of your thoughts, ah life. sinatra had it right- up & down, over & out... you get the picture.
Posted by: s.l.greek | October 13, 2008 at 09:55 PM
i can relate to your feelings, the hesitancy to share art, yet the constant pulling to release the truth. yet it seems you're headed in a great direction!
Posted by: melanie | October 16, 2008 at 08:39 PM
I just read back through so much of your writing. I find it hard to pull away. fascinating.
As to putting your art up. I am a gallery and display veteran.
Just do it. More good than bad.
And, i breathed a sigh of jealousy for your apartment.
Posted by: crazymumma | October 23, 2008 at 11:15 PM
OK, this space here hurts with art. It's bruised. It wants an audience, as shy as it is.
And although my husband is no art veteran he saw here and air escaped him. ooooffffff
Just like that. That's something!
Posted by: Woman in a window | October 30, 2008 at 10:11 AM