alone is not lonely

My lover had some difficulty understanding this picture.  And I was perplexed as to why he didn't understand. 

I love living alone.  I love coming home to an empty apartment after work.  I like cleaning the bathroom at 7am before work if I feel like it.  I like having the whole bed to myself.  I like cuddling my dog when I sleep.  I like the silence. The stillness. The calm.  I like having no demands.  I feel fortunate for this.  I relish it.  I can do anything I want without distraction.  Without having someone ask me, "When are you going to be finished doing that?" or "What do you want to do next?" or "When will you be home?" or "What do you feel like having for dinner?"

He doesn't understand this.  It scares him. 

And I don't understand why he would want to be so enmeshed in my life.  And it scares me. 

In my perfect world I picture myself living in his own space and him in his own.  And we breeze in and out of each other`s lives when we want to. 

The funny thing is...the more women I mention this to, the more I discover that I'm not alone in this.  These are women who are married.  These are women who are single.  The desire to be with someone, yet be alone.   

Comments

[deezee]

"The desire to be with someone, yet be alone."

yup.

I've got the alone part settled. Now must work on the 'be with someone' part...

[camerashymomma]

i keep coming back to something i read about 'introverts vs. extroverts' and how i have always been this way, this introverted being, but never really knowing that it actually drained energy from me to be in a large crowd. that i infact replenish myself with time alone.

so, i get this, i really do.
and gosh, i'm really drawn to your art.

[conversemomma]

Sometimes I feel the weight of my husband's world rests on my thighs, my breasts, my shoulders, and it smothers me in the fact that it is too much love. Too much. Have I said this to you before. If so, I'm sorry.

[sweetsalty kate]

Oh my gosh. Just your description of aloneness made all my hair stand on end (in a good way). I wouldn't call it 'alone', though - I'd call it autonomy, and I lust for it just the same, absolutely.