I wasn't sure if I was excited about the party or if I was excited about the dress. I quickly realized when I arrived at the party that it was the dress. The dress was a month in the making. I chose the style. The pattern. Had four fittings. Saw it from conception to its birth. A dress all my own. A one of a kind. Fit me perfectly. Like it was a part of me.
I felt pretty that night. I don`t normally feel like that. It felt nice.
I also wasn`t feeling social that night, so I spent the evening trying to avoid people, which isn`t easy at a work Christmas party. I think that I`m just not a social person in general. Actually, I don`t think that. I know that. But what I am, however, is completely comfortable being in the spotlight. Put me in front an audience and I`m on. Which is precisely what happened at the party. I was trying to hide away in corners, but when it came time to draw the names and announce the winners of a game that we were playing in front of a group of people I felt completely at home.
Which is weird because I`m supposed to be presenting four training sessions at work with my boss, and he had to back out of two of them. I went into total panic mode at the thought of doing the training sessions by myself. Suddenly the spotlight was frightening to me. I went to him and told him that I felt uncomfortable doing the training on my own and told him that I think that I lacked the `charisma` to do it on my own. He laughed and offered up someone else to accompany me and said, `You bring the knowledge and I`ll find someone to bring the charisma`.
In that moment I felt immense relief at not having to present the training on my own. But truthfully, I kind of wish that he didn`t let me off the hook so easily.
I think sometimes I just need a little push to do scary things.
Perhaps if I wore my dress, it would make this stint in the spotlight a little easier.